Flash fiction- it had happened again

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It had happened again! How could I have been so stupid?  I had sworn never to do it again. Worse, I had been caught doing it. They say there are low moments of your life- when you are so humiliated that you wish that the ground opens up and swallows you whole. I had been caught, and even more embarrassing was the fact that I was topless and my companion was standing in the corner of the room sobbing.

I guess I am getting ahead of myself. Let me start at the beginning.

I walked into the medical store and slyly slid over a piece of paper to the person at the counter. The shopkeeper was an old acquaintance who gave me a questioning look as if to ask “what the hell?”. I just urged him on with a nod to comply with my request and said” put it in a brown paper bag, don’t want anybody to see it” The shopkeeper gave me a conspirational nod and put the package in a plain brown paper bag and slid it towards me. I hastily shoved the package in my jacket and made my way briskly to my motorbike. I drove back to my house stopping to pick up my companion on the way.

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I snuck back into my house and checked to see if the coast was clear. Package in hand, I beckoned my companion as I sprinted up the stairs to my room and locked it after she was inside. I drew the curtains to shield the activity in the room from the outside world.

“Hurry!” she said as I opened the package

“Take off your shirt or it will stain!” I nodded and took my shirt off.

“Hurry someone might come soon. Open it! Open it!” she demanded

“Ok ok!” I replied as I took the package out of the brown paper bag.

As I was opening the package someone started banging on the bedroom door.

“Crap! Someone’s here! what do we do?” she asked panicking

“Stay quiet!” I hissed at her

“Open the door! Why is it locked?”

I signalled my companion to stay quiet

“I know you’re in there, I saw your bike outside.” I heard the jingling of keys and the sound of a key being put into the lock. I looked on as my companion scurried to the corner of the room, quietly sobbing, looking for an exit where there wasn’t one.

I grasped the package tightly looking for a place to stash it. Unfortunately, in times of panic rarely do you get a moment of clarity, and I ended up stuffing the package in the shirt that I had taken off.

There was a moment of silence before the voice outside the door said “Fine, if you are not opening the door, I will”

There was click of the lock and the door swung open letting in a rush of daylight which temporarily stung my eyes. My companion stood silently in the corner of the room sobbing.

My brother walked in the room and looked around briefly before he grabbed my shirt which was now stained as the contents of the package had melted. He extracted the package from the shirt, a few drops dropped on the floor.

“how could you let him do this?” he asked my companion

She gave a sheepish smile as she showed him the chocolate I bribed my sister with.

“You are diabetic, you can’t run around doing this anymore!” he yelled at me as he left the room, throwing the ice cream into the dustbin. I stared longingly as the package contents melted into a small puddle at the bottom of the bin.

“Next time don’t take off the shirt!” my sister remarked as she left the room munching away on the chocolate.

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Top ten list of popular gifts and their true meaning

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A lot of people accept gifts without really knowing the true intention behind it. Please note that this is all in good fun, and the author does not take responsibility for any feuds, breakups or any other kinds of differences that may arise from the reader’s interpretation of  this article.

  1.       Perfumes

What they say: “I saw this and I just thought of you”

What they really say “You have a serious hygiene problem, so serious that I couldn’t afford to cheap out on so so body sprays, you need the real deal!”

 

  1.       Clothes

What they say: “I saw this and I just thought of you”

What they really say “You dress like a slob, your fashion sense is nonsense. My present is the least I could to ensure that you have at least one decent clothing item in your wardrobe.”

  1.       Chocolates and other confectioneries

What they say: “A little sweet stuff for my sweetie”

What they really say “I totally forgot that I was supposed to get you a present, hopefully this will get me of the hook. By the way I got those chocolates that you hate and I love, so I’ll end up eating them- but the gift still counts”

  1.       Arts stationery

What they say: “Arts supplies for the artist”

What they really say “There was a clearance sale at the departmental store, they were giving away the cheap art supplies really cheap, it was cheaper than chocolates, but it still counts as it’s your passion and I can’t eat it.”

  1.       Wrist watches

What they say: “A classy gift for a classy person”

What they really say “I picked up on all the hints you’ve been dropping about some new gizmo that just came out, I don’t have that kind of money so here you go. I got this from that cheap shop for redeeming my card reward points.”

  1.       Pens

What they say: “Write your own destiny”

What they really say “I saw it in a tv ad, was cheaper than getting a chocolate, still counts.”

  1.       Homemade Birthday cards

What they say: “I personalised a card just for you!”

What they really say “I’m too cheap to even buy a birthday card let alone a chocolate”

  1.       DVD

What they say: “I got this really awesome movie that you’d love”

What they really say “I got this really awesome movie that I’d love”

  1.       Sunglasses

What they say: “Stylish gift for the stylish person”

What they really say “You look much worse in day time than at night. I got you these shades so you can hide at least part of your hideous face”

  1.   Free homemade coupons

What they say: “A gift from the heart”

What they really say “I’m too cheap to buy you anything, too lazy to draw you a card. Here’s a bunch a coupons which won’t cost me anything to honour and its basically chores I do any ways”

 

 

The Facebook Handbook and a guide to social networking

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Like with all  new fads, after initially bursting on the scene and wowing people, rules are generally developed to help maintain the pleasure of that fad. However in many cases these rules are not properly documented resulting in some unpleasant/embarassing moments. Since this usually occurs with guys, I have come up with a few points to help guys specifically and some girls may also find this little list useful

  1. This was pointed out by my friend, I believe I was also a victim of this. If someone of the opposite sex likes your post, photo or anything, this does not mean that they are into you. God forbid if they comment, its just a compliment not a proposal!
  2. Social networking sites are like a party of sorts, like in other social situations where you have to watch what comes out of your mouth or in this case what you leaves your keyboard.Though there is ample opportunity to filter what you want to say, spending an hour talking with someone in person and chatting with them online for an hour usually makes you wish that your acquaintance shouldn’t have messaged you the things that they had.
  3. Never leave your account logged in for some of your friends to decide to announce to the world your change in gender preference for a life partner. I learned that the hard way.
  4. Always keep relatives and family members on limited profile, you never know which post you share could spell your downfall. Another alternative option is to maintain two separate  profiles- one for family and one for friends.
  5. If you have a bunch of extremely girl obssessed, poondi loving tharki friends, it is advisable to protect your female friends from the ever hungry stalking eyes of those friends.
  6. Facebook is not a stalking tool, and as a few acquaintances have revealed to me in strictest of confidences that not all children’s pictures that girls have as their display picture are of their own child. It could be a neice or a nephew as well. So don’t be quick to judge a person by their dp.
  7. The two person theorem, this is a very seasoned theory for stalkers (I’ve heard not seen) if there are two or more persons in a display pictures 7 times out of 10 the chanve is that the uglier person will be the owner of that profile. This figure goes further up to 9 in the case of girls. There is the family exception to this rule, that if the picture is a family group photo then the most beautiful person in the picture is the owner of that profile.
  8. Social networking sites are not places to tell the world why you feel the way you feel, you just have to tell them the ‘how you feel’. Leave the ‘why’s to the other people, keep an air of mystery about yourself.
  9. Never say I love you to any person you befriend online, they may turn out to be that scrawny kid in your neighbourhood, who’s always typing on his phone and smirking
  10. Finally on a more serious note- if you do meet someone online and arrange to meet them in person, always choose a place where you feel safe and comfortable. Stay safe!

As always no rule book is final, tweaks are expected. So if you have any suggestions please do send them my way.

10 Signs that you’re a Likeaholic

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There are new addictions discovered everyday, some are very well known for example alchoholism or gaming. A lesser known addiction is likeaholism, a person on facebook who does anyhing and everything to get more likes to uplift his or her self esteem. I’ve gathered 10 signs that a likeaholic displays, who knows maybe you’re one of them:

  1. Your status updates include everything in your life literally everything, from your moods, to what you feel, how you feel, where you feel, who you feel and this list goes on and on.
  2. You check in everywhere you go, be it from your room to the bathroom or from your office to your car.
  3. Upload pictures of stupidd random stuff, like your food or the pile of papers on your desk.
  4. Change a profile picture almost daily and then ask your friends in person why they haven’t liked your pic yet.
  5. Change your profile name to stupid random names like ‘kewl girl’ ‘prince of charm’
  6. Religiously add all suggested friends on facebook till you’ve got a gazillion friends of which you know only 5
  7. You stalk a friend’s profile and get pissed when they get a hundred likes for updating their status as goodnight.(this is a usually common ign among girls)
  8. You lay in your bed thinking what would make the most amazing profile pic
  9. When you see something beautiful, your first reaction is not appreciationg its beauty but thinking how awesome it would look as your background picture.
  10. You like other people’s posts and pictures in the hope that you will also get a like on your posts and pictures, When they don’t do what you expect, you start questioning them and say that they are ‘horrible horrible people’